10:25 p.m.. On a Sunday. The Sunday after Christmas. It is snowing. Sort of.
Pandora: What kk? What?
Me: Are you trying to get me pumped up right now?
Pandora: Yes. You look like you're falling asleep over there. It's time. For you to get pumped up!
Me: For what, exactly?
Pandora: I want you to get really pumped up --
Pandora plays 'Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing Ta F' With'.
Pandora: to MAKE YOUR LUNCH FOR TOMORROW! YESSSS!!!
Me: I have to admit, I'm legitimately excited to make to go make my lunch right now. Spinach salads better recognize!!! But why are you using all this motivational goodness up on me right now?
Pandora: I know you, love. Better than anyone else. And I care about your well-being in a completely proportionate amount. If I'd played that one-two while you were getting ready to go out last Saturday? Scary things might have happened. That close to the full moon and the solstice AND the eclipse? People might have died. Or at least disappeared. Wait, what are -- are you doing the butterfly right now? Hang on.
Pandora plays SWV's 'Rain'.
Pandora: Are you...is that a little better? I don't want you to stab yourself over there.
Me: That was exactly what I needed. Now I'm relaxed. Unpumped, a little. But still ready to continue chopping. Also, the SVW got me thinking about Taj, the lady in the group who got to be in SVW, marry Eddie George, and then was on fucking Survivor. Like, she is so awesome. Holy shit, I just Googled her to link to her name, and her Wikipedia page is unexpectedly inspiring. I was not expecting to read that and be like 'what an incredible story!' She is going to be so creeped out when I write her a letter asking if I can write her biography.
Pandora: Can you repeat that? I didn't catch it all, I'm playing pretty loudly right now. You turn it up a few notches when you're two to three glasses into the bottle. I'm not judging. I just notice these things. Hello, my whole appeal is in the observational data I gather and process. What were were talking about? Taj. Don't look at me like that! I mean it. I want to know. It's not silly. Tell me again. Oh my god, you're just going to tell me later anyway, spit it out. No, I'm not laughing. No. No (snort) I'm sorry, honey, now you're making me laugh. With your angry face. It's a perverse reaction, I know. Didn't I just get you all pumped up to make that salad? I can't relax for a minute? I'm listening to these songs too. Are you...what, you're not talking to me now? Don't test me, child.
Pandora plays an insipid commercial block, then threatens with the monthly listening limit warning.
