Thursday, October 16, 2008

Punch Your Chad


In the state of Massachusetts, yesterday was the last day to register to vote in the upcoming election. If you did not at least mail in a voter registration form:

a) You can't complain when they eliminate the state income tax because everyone is an IDIOT and afraid of being poor for nine minutes. Like, really? Don't you people understand where that money goes? It adds up. It's 40 percent of the state budget. We need it to like, PAY FOR EVERYTHING. Oh, your kids don't need textbooks? That's awesome. No, I guess you're right. The TV news is the same. Oh, what was that? The tv's in the classrooms don't work? No, there's no money to fix them. You took it home with you and spent it on like, Applebee's and trucker hats and a new weedwacker or whatever you retards will do with the extra $200 you get. Awesome. Also, enjoy explaining to the kids why Rocky the class hamster froze to death because they turn off the heat in the classroom at night. Those potholes are sweet, too. Sorry about your axle.

b) You can't complain when there are no police to protect you from the actual crime happening on your street, because they're all busy busting homeless people and Suffolk students buying weed from that weird guy in the Common with his pant leg rolled up.

c) You can't complain when there's one less random thing to do on Tuesday night because Wonderland has been closed. Now, I know not everyone spent a considerable portion of their childhood at the dog track and therefore don't have the same fuzzy nostalgia for them as I do, but seriously, before you climb all up on your soapbox and annoy the shit out of me with your diatribe on how dog racing is wrong, and cruel, and barbaric, let me save you the trouble: shut up. It's not. Yes, it can be, certainly, and has been, absolutely but you can make that exact same point about every industry: entertainment or otherwise. And have you ever been to the dog track? No? Then let me inform you: it's fun as hell. Aside from the gambling - which is why most people go, I realize, but is actually about my sixth favorite element of the experience - there's cheap beer, and weird food, and it's one of the few places in the state where smoking is still totally acceptable (no Mom, I don't go there to socially smoke, I'm just saying. It's an option.). Plus, it is some of the best people watching EVER. Rich white dudes just out of work, old men who have clearly been there all day, and will return tomorrow, little old ladies, drunk Revere townies, hippie kids, homeless-looking individuals of indeterminate age in sweatpants...I LOVE the dogtrack. Please don't take that from me.

d) You are an asshat. Seriously, just fucking vote. It's not hard.

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