Yo, so sometimes on Fridays, when I get to the end of the internet, I Google myself. I think my Mom told me to do this back when the internet was newer - to make sure all my shit was in check over in cyberspace. Not like there's anything I could do, really, if my shit was not in check (were we both operating under the assumption that Google search was like a credit report?) but I still do it sometimes because I'm a crazy narcissist and part of me is always expecting people to be talking about me.
No one is. There's a bunch of articles from when I worked at Boston Landmarks, some other boring stuff, and then it's into other people with my name: some Midwestern high school girl's MySpace page (apparently that's where MySpace is still a thing?), a crazy chick signing on YouTube, and then we're into Magdalena Neuner, who is awesome, but no relation (that I know of. I don't anything about the German bits.).
But today I came across something new: a baby registry! Because I'm way more nosy about shit when I'm not invested in a person's life** (that's when being judgmental is at its purest form of joy), I started clicking my way through a complete stranger's baby registry. At first I thought it was a wedding registry, and it was just mad full of baby shit and I was like "Wow, these two are not coming at it coyly, huh?" Then I felt like a jerk. But not really,because I don't know them, so who cares! See, it's fun like this. Anyway, the point here: baby stuff is crazy expensive!
It's so expensive that for a minute I was like, 'you should totally buy something for them off this registry, how awesome would it be if a complete stranger with the same name as you bought you something for your baby!' But I can see how that might be the creepiest goddamn thing in the entire world, so I decided against it. Also, I'm poor. But now it's time to go home!
I am AWESOME at wasting time on the internet.
** Seriously, if you're friends with me, and you send me a baby registry, I am never going to read it. I'm just going to get you something cool that you didn't ask for. Or maybe you did ask and I just know you so well I didn't even have to read the registry! But probably not. Probably I bought your baby an awesome infant kimono, which I don't even know if that exists, but now I really want to get it for someone. Baby kimonos! Holy shit.
***I'm sorry, how CRAZY CUTE is this baby in a kimono! It's like, ten hours later - which is an awkward amount of time later - but this baby is still my jam.
No comments:
Post a Comment